Late-Night Personalities Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Late-night's prominent hosts used the evening criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's newly launched immigration program, labeled the "gold card," characterizing it as a obvious cash-for-residency scheme for the rich.

The Late Show's Pointed Analysis

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday tune directed at the president. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... destroys everything he comes into contact with."

The focus was the controversial initiative which enables foreign individuals to buy U.S. residency for a sum of a million dollars, or "top-tier" option for five million. A government website guarantees approval "in record time."

"A brief thought here to affluent foreigners: before you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the card is also intended to "squeeze cash" from businesses looking to hire foreign workers, involving large costs. "That is a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your choosing – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"Unprecedented vetting the government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals truly qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will let affluent overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "For a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"Perhaps it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the form, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining approval numbers amid financial concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a bid to discuss affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of food items, where he reacted strangely to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking right-leaning news coverage of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.