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This year represents a ten-year milestone since the word “ghosting” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the concept that someone could suddenly stop contact with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the height of disrespect. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more perplexing – an commonly unsuccessful pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online jargon.

Zoomers, a cohort who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier terrain than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed breakdown to the phrases this generation is using to talk about love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this list you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – For Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A social media test connected to a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's reply is engaged or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies going for someone who supports you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A outing where two people form a link while doing chores, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 80s young urban professional excess, it refers to couples who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing communication, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal traits indicating a prospective partner is not right. Examples include calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks confirm your decision to date a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely harmless quirks. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that immediately shut down any sense of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful display.

J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {